We’ve considered the sad truth that those who accused the woman caught in the act of adultery failed to see her as a person - in their eyes, she was an object, an exhibit for their discussion. In short, they failed to see her. She went unnoticed.
Let’s think a little more about how we can notice people. We notice people more as we work on our listening skills. As we engage intentionally, we move away from treating people as objects, and instead relate to them as subjects. James, the half brother of Jesus, encourages us to do less talking and more listening: ‘My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry’ (James 1:19)
When I first became a Christian, I was blessed by the mentoring I received from a man called Peter. A former pastor, he was forced to retire as a young man because of debilitating illness that kept him housebound. I would visit him, and fire off endless questions, so confused was I about what it meant to follow Jesus. Always patient, kind, and never dismissive, he listened to my meanderings carefully, answered my questions, and calmed my fears.
Perhaps most of us have a number of false assumptions about listening. We can tend to think that listening is something that just comes naturally, and so surely we don’t need to work at it - a false assumption. Listening takes work and self-control. We struggle to suspend our own needs in order to fully engage with others. Listening is a solid bridge - silence is never passive. Most of us think that we’re better listeners than we are - perhaps our friends and family can help us in this regard!
And then people can be irritating to us - some people come at us like a dentist with a noisy drill!
Listening is not just about gathering information, it’s about bearing witness and breaking isolation. Being heard is precious - when there is lack of listening in a lifeline relationship, it hurts more.
People know when they’re not being noticed. They pick up the signals. True listening conversation is more than taking turns to share monologues.
Being slow to speak can include avoiding premature assumptions or reassurances . We must let people talk. We can be the victims of our own intuitive skills and perceptiveness. Let’s be aware of our own hidden assumptions about the person who is speaking.
Don’t say ‘I know how you feel’. Nobody actually knows how anyone else feels!
A final word from Annie Dillard:
’We are here to abet creation and to witness it, to notice each thing so each thing gets noticed. Together, we notice not only the mountain shadow and each stone on the beach, but we notice each other’s beautiful face and complex nature so that creation need not play to an empty house’