Sharpen
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17)
Let us consider how we can stir up one another to love. Let us help one another to do good works (Hebrews 10:24)
True ‘sharpening’ is a painful, sometimes unwelcome, but vital part of a healthy friendship. We all need friends with whom we can be ourselves, sharing vulnerability and authenticity. But the best friendships don’t leave us in the place of just being what we are, but nudge and nurture us to be better than what we are. Just as a knife can be sharpened to greater effectiveness, so we, when we give permission in a reciprocal relationship of trust, can be honed as human beings.
But the principle works in reverse too, sadly. Proverbs is full of warnings about unhealthy friendships. One example is, ’Anyone who walks with wise people grows wise. But a companion of foolish people suffers harm (Proverbs 13:20). We all know that in friendship, we create a culture, which can be permissive or exhortative. In a group setting, one person ventures into using bad language, and very quickly others emulate them. One drinks too much, and soon excess and abuse of alcohol becomes a glue that holds the friendship group together.
One commentator describes the need for honest and loving rebuke like this:
‘Can a rebuke be a sign of true love? Can kisses hide betrayal? The book of Proverbs stress the need of the wise person to be open to reprimand and correction; cf. 3:11–12; 13:14. Hence one who truly loves will not be afraid to offer, or receive, needed correction. To remain silent is not a sign of love, whatever be the reason, whether weakness or fear of losing a “friend.” Indeed, the correction can seem like a “wound”! This calls for bravery and honesty on both sides, or the alleged friendship is simply not worth cultivating’.1
When it comes to ‘stirring one another up to love’, which is what the writer to the Hebrews encourages us to do, Kent Hughes comments:
‘This idea of spurring one another on is an exciting concept because the word translated “spur” is extremely strong. The RV translates it “provoke,” the RSV “stir up,” the NEB “arouse.” It is the word paroxysmos, from which we get paroxysm—a sudden convulsion or a violent emotion. Normally, as in the rest of the New Testament, this is not a pleasant word (for example, “a sharp disagreement—paroxysmos—came between Paul and Barnabas, Acts 15:39; cf. 1 Corinthians 13:5). But here it has a pleasant sense of prodding our brothers and sisters toward love and good deeds’.2
And so…
- Do we have friends who absolutely know that they have permission to challenge us at deep levels?
- In our friendships are we those who exhort or give unhelpful permission by the way we live?
- How might we ‘stir one another up to love?’
1 Murphy, R. E. (1998). Proverbs (Vol. 22, p. 207). Thomas Nelson.
2 Hughes, R. K. (1993). Hebrews: an anchor for the soul (Vol. 2, p. 35). Crossway Books.